Fear

F.ucking E.erie. A.nd R.idiculous. 

Sitting on le not so comfy chair in the lecture theater, my lecturer warns me on the awful marks that we all had for Calculus. 

"I could see that many of you have pretty bad marks for your Test 1. By right, I can say that some of you might not even make it to Undergraduate studies because if you fail your Calculus, you have to repeat it for 4 months. While other people are studying for their degree, you still stuck in your foundation studies.."

Repeat....

This 6 letter word are one of the most lethal words that could be paste inside anyone's mind.

The thoughts of repeating a single subject for the whole 4 months aren't pretty. And its not funny. After he said those stuffs, my brain was all blank. Bleak. Darker than black. Blacker than the deepest level of Abyss itself. My brain was like a dark cloud, thunder shrilling out like hell, screaming louder than a fucked up banshee does. 

I sat there, helpless by the words of my lecturer. All of the people in the lecture theatre are merely players at that time, and the spotlight from 7th heaven was aiming at me, I was like "OH GOD WHY"

My expression at that time

I was helpless. I felt stupid. Its like trying to save your ass in the midst of a fierce maelstrom on the Bermuda seas. 

I dug my own grave with my bare hands. My soul was on the verge on walking on the ethereal plane, barely saved by the hopes and expectations that my parents put on me. 

When I checked my test marks, all I can say that that I totally "earned" it lol. A disappointment to myself actually.  

Its like surviving a car crash, but with your legs amputated.