I Bested Myself

 I went outside from my room in UTP's V2D college residential block and took some fresh air to clear up the unstable atmosphere inside my mind. I sat down, finding a spot free from ants and start taking a few deep breaths.


I haven't slept well for these past few days, there were just a lot of things that conjured up in my mind. Tests, assignments, project presentations and all those college works that kept on bulking up on my shoulders, somehow are needed to be dealt with. With the test anxiety and lack of sleep, I'm in the state that of the opposite of Felix Baumgartner; who did the free falling stunt from the edge of space. He's free falling calmly while I was sent high flying in the midst of a violent hurricane.

After having some "deeper conversation" moments with inner self, I walked through the flight of stairs and the hallway was already semi dark. There's only a few fluorescent lights that beamed faint rays of light to the hallway that would give enough vision for me to maneuver myself into my room. I sank into my bed, shunning myself from negative thoughts and start closing my eyes, getting ready to sleep. There's no one to comfort you or to motivate you when you're in a difficult situation, except yourself. I have Vector Calculus test tomorrow and my preparation was only around the range of 70 to 80 percent. As I got terrible GPA for my previous semester, I have to somewhat ace this.

I put my mind and body to sleep mode and start to wander off to dreamland afterwards.



*The next morning*

      Woke up around 9 after my brain was alerted by my phone's annoying alarm clock, I've kept on putting on "snooze" mode, which means that the alarm is going to repeat itself in 5 minutes interval. 30 minutes later, I've managed to regain my consciousness and was ready to get back to business. My brain somehow had rejuvenated after a cool morning shower and Vector Calculus was all that I could think of.


 After approximately 3 hours of last minute revision, pre-test anxiety are building up at this moment, and I took some final glance on the formulas and solutions for each chapter that would come out in the test, with the hopes that those glances would be significant in aiding me securing a decent mark for my test. My roomate, Chuck and I are getting prepared and later on we marched to Pocket D. The test was held in the lecture theater, which is a new venue to sit for a test. A brand new atmosphere for me. The atmosphere is different and it had made copying much more easier.  The test was supposed to start at 4.30pm but I've arrived just in time with Chuck.

The theater's seats were mostly occupied, leaving the front row seats vacant, as I've expected. I had no intentions to cheat this time, as I'm trying to score and perform this as honest as possible. I try to let my mindset to grow up like a man, and I believe that "with hard work comes extraordinary achievements."

This had proved true. Thank Allah, Alhamdullilah that I've done the test without any hassle. The joy was overwhelming to the extent that all words that are synonymous to "happiness" surged through my veins in extreme velocity.

I was so happy today. Thank you dear Autumn for your prayers and wishes for me. And thank you dear self for working so hard, for being so strong and the perseverance that had permeated within these past few days.

Today, I had truly bested myself. With this, I can rest my tired body, soul and mind, victoriously.






October 26, 2012

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