Episode 2 : Enigmatically Pathetic

It's the last 10 days of Ramadhan. Time flies absurdly fast these days, not sure if I've spent too much time doing worthless activities or it's just a lil spark that the end of days is coming.

Having screwed up my test (as always) , now my only chance of survival in this engineering hellhole is the finals, which is quite hard to some extent. The thought of having to sacrifice my Aidilfitri holiday to buff up my mind with intricate engineering knowledge; is wholly an unwilling thought. By the way, I don't blame the lecturer, I don't blame the subject and I ultimately wouldn't blame God if I get low marks for my test, for I could only man up and blame myself for my own mistake. Verily I am the architect of my own disaster.

And, I've been quite alone for sometime now. Longing for someone that would discard my flawed appearance and focus on what's underneath instead. I've always wonder if that would even be possible since the society have such a filthy yet illogical mindset, well not all but mostly would possess that typical "judge a book by its cover" kind of attitude. It's hard to insinuate yourself into a subtle position in the midst of this corrupted society, UNLESS you're popular, or you're good looking. Well good looking people are automatically famous anyway.

It's going to take a while to regain back my optimism. While I'm recovering, I'm feeling a bit inferior to those around me. Cause I'm surrounded by genius here in my campus. The amount of stress is just unbearable at times. Pardon me if I couldn't meet your sky high expectation dear parents, there's just too many plausible factors that have lead to my terrible grades here. Only God knows how much I've wanted to make you guys proud of me. One day I will. Sabar ya dear abah and ibu.

August 10, 2012

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