Insomniac Thoughts

Its 1.54 am by the time that I typed this and my first class will start at 8am. Still at home, couldn't sleep due to insomniac thoughts. It is usual for me to have an empty mind during the light of the day yet ironically my mind is stuffed with myriad of deep thoughts late at night.

Uncertainty and hesitation frequently surrounds me, especially when it comes to my future. What would I become, where would I end up, to whom would I end up with and the list goes on. And I'm having a hard time to score for my GPA. I mean like, I'm in Universiti Teknologi Petronas (abbreviated as UTP) and the standards set by this university (especially the grading system) was so much higher than many other universities in this country. There was this one time I've studied hard yet I could only scored so little. I just cannot describe the level of frustration that I had at that moment. It was beyond words.

I wanted to ace all subjects, but the thought of having to sacrifice my social/gaming/leisure life for study study and study 24/7, is just lame. Damn lame. I've seen those who scored like 3.5 and above for their GPA in Engineering courses, it is either they are born genius or they sacrificed all their time for their studies. I always felt like I'm the dumbest boy in class.

But, if I devote all those hours for studies, then I won't have a life. My only companion is only books and more books. I'd be a socially awkward guy. My social circle would be narrow. I would spend my youth only on studies, just for the sake of securing a spot in getting a scholarship . To me, it's not worth it. It's a bloody joke. On the other hand, if I would want to have a fun college life, then my grades will have to slide. Sigh.

Every now and then my mind always came up with the idea of dropping out from college and start doing things that I like. Things that my dad already set up for me. Meeting people, doing business with them, knowing the tricks of the trade in business, improving my communication skills, learning a couple of new foreign languages etc. Not all of this listed things are provided by schools or university. Some skills are ought to be learn from life itself. There are things that even books or teachers cannot teach you. Seek wisdom from life itself.

As the saying goes : 

" Life begins when you leave your comfort zone "

My life starts either when I graduate or when I drop out from college, if the latter was ever going to happen.

July 16, 2012

One response to Insomniac Thoughts

  1. Polis27 says:

    exactly what i feel this whole time.. there is solution but its not my place to say it. figure by your self *hint: god

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